My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
