Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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