she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
