We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
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which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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