you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
