You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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