My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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