I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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