I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
