If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
