Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
