i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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