Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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