OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
