doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
