So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
