Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we made out on top of his cat.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
