yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
