saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
