and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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