i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
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