what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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