Buhtt sex?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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