I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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