You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
