I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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