haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize