I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
