How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
no you cant smoke seaweed
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
