I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
