I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
