I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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