I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
