Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize