we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
