I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
