fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
COCAINE IS GR8
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
