in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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