Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
