We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
