i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
