I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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