I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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