Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
