So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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