No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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