I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Acid is not a monday night drug
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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