Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
