She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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