God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
