dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
