I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
