How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
