I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
