He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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