I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
