Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
