When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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