I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
