Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
