and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
