I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
