so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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