So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
