after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
