you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
