those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
