Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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