Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
