If i come over, it means nothing
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
