you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
