Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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