Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
