I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
