so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
