Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize