I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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