Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
