I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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